There are things that you will hear a million times over (or it may seem that way), you will read it with a little wry smile of ‘yeah, I know this, heard it SO many times already’.
I have done that, we all have but how many times do you have to hear something before you actually start applying it?? Many more times (for most people) than you imagine.
This is something I have been finding for myself recently and was able to turn something that I knew already into something that actually worked, by applying it, mainly because I started to understand it at a deeper level than ever before.
Here’s what it is….
Your life will play out according to how you see yourself. It will unfold exactly as you expect.
Every experience you have will, overall, confirm to you that you are exactly what you thought you were.
If you fundamentally see yourself as worthless for example, you will have this view confirmed to you over and over again through your experiences. Maybe not every time, but enough times that it will be hard to imagine that it can be different in the end.
Relationships will end, money will be hard to come by, people will dismiss your views or tell you that they won’t work. Sometimes you will get brave and summon some confidence and hustle and for a while things will look brighter, but then something will happen. Maybe your friend tells you someone was talking about you behind your back, saying that suddenly you seem to think a lot of yourself, or you went for a job and got turned down even though you KNEW you were perfect for it. Perhaps you were having a great day, brimming with positivity and then the car breaks down.
Anything, anything could happen and the result is that you come crashing down from your new found place of calm and hope and feeling really positive and ready for action. It will confirm your worst fears again just as things were looking better – the world was right about you, you are never going to get the life you want.
One way or another you will come back to the place where you belong, the place you know best, the place where nothing changes and all the things you feared might be true about who you are and what you are able to achieve are real again.
You are a walking contradiction. One minute you feel like you are ready to take on the world, step up, stand out, make it count, do something amazing, earn the big bucks, be a success and then the next minute you are slumped in a chair overwhelmed and wanting to hide.
You talk about wanting love and peace, to stay centered and loving and the next minute you are so filled with frustration and rage that you are ready to stab someone. Only you don’t actually do that, you are way too controlled to do that, you know the consequences and you rein yourself in time and time again from your true emotions. Instead you turn the frustrations inwards, where they belong, direct them at the REAL culprit – you.
You punish yourself for not having ‘got’ there yet, for getting angry, for feeling frustrated without being able to harness this into action that actually WORKS, you don’t want to hurt other people, you don’t want to get hurt either – you are stuck in a never ended cycle of playing out who you think you are.
You don’t really understand it, how can you feel so ready, so confident, so totally set for action and success one day and be crying in a ball the next? Or so emotionless and dead inside that even crying seems like it is too good for you?
You know all the wisdom around you makes sense and sometimes you can do it! You can live your life with positive thoughts, you can enjoy it more and worry less. You can even sustain this for long periods of time on occassion – if everything is going well you can feel on the up and like everything is turning a corner for a good year or more.
But at some point, unless you have truly changed who you think you are, then you will still end up back where you belong, where you always were – reflecting the view of yourself that you know best.
You might even manipulate your situation, subconsciously, to play out the way you know best (you know, failure) when things are starting to look better for you.
When you are on the brink of a breakthrough you start to look for problems instead of solutions, you start to feel afraid, you don’t know this place that you are headed for and although you have been wanting this, begging for it even, longing for it over and over, when it is nearly there….you start to question yourself
I know this…I also now know how to overcome it. I finally listened to the thing I had heard over and over again without ever really applying it.
You are making it all up.
Letting go of fears is never easy, you think you have done it – things are going well and are on track and then the old self sabotage kicks in with its voice of ‘you’re not worth it’ or whatever else you have come to identify with.
You argue strongly with the voice, tell it to ‘do one’ because you are not going to listen, not this time.
It is so strong though, it’s voice is SO convincing. It has been proven right so many times in the past that you have come to believe that it is the elephant in the room that you are refusing to acknowledge.
What if it IS right? What if all your efforts to fend off fear and breakthrough to the next level really are pointless? What if you really aren’t capable? Smart enough? Skilled enough? Worthy?
Well, there are two scenarios – one is that your sense of being unworthy (or anything else) is correct, and the other is that it is not correct.
The fact is that they are both right.
Fundamentally you are worthwhile, however you are also not worthwhile because you believe it to be so. You will act out ‘not worthy’ for a lifetime if you keep feeding the belief. You will act in ways that prove your unworthiness time after time, you will become your greatest fear.
Not that it will worry you all that much, not really, because this is where you feel comfortable – this is the devil you know. It would be far more scary if it turned out you actually WERE worthwhile and just wasted all that time making up this crap.
Best to stay here, where it is safe, where expectations are low and self worth abandoned, that’s far easier. Painful for sure, but you know that pain, that frustration so well that it almost doesn’t register anymore, you just resign to it.
Let me tell you again though – We are making it all up
We make up everything around us, we play out the role we have assigned ourselves to perfection, we create situations to confirm our fears and allow us to stay in them – because we long to feel safe and safety comes from staying with what we have always known.
Why do people stay in abusive relationships? Become institutionalised? Repeat the same destructive patterns again and again?
Because what you know feels safer than what you don’t know. That’s it.
The ONLY way to move forward permanently is to embrace what you do not know and turn it into your friend.
Where have you never gone in your life that you long to go? I don’t mean a geographic place but a different place in your mind and experience? Have you always wanted to be on stage being really confident and leading audiences to new ideas and thoughts? Have you always wanted to find deep, meaningful love?
Whatever it is, you will never experience it fully or for long , if you cannot go there in your mind first and get comfortable with it – your mind simply won’t let you get into danger by going into something new, something so far out of what it sees itself as capable of, unless you have taken it there to practise first.
This is why visualisation works, this is why affirmations work, this is your minds greatest gift – it can practise before it experiences something for real and by the time it IS real it is ready and not afraid.
You cannot have what your mind cannot envisage having. It will keep you safe, it will keep you from change, it will keep you in the place it believes you are already at. If you feel unworthy your mind will stay there, if you feel a victim your mind will stay there – it can only move to another version of self when it has practised seeing itself this way for long enough to not feel afraid.
What would you love to see yourself as that is a battle right now to maintain? What do you keep working towards that you self sabotage whenever you get close? Come and tell us in PLANET NOVA the Free Facebook group where great minds gather.